• a-2024-message-from-your-kids

From The Centre for Male Psychology.

An invisible hero for invisible victims: interview with domestic violence pioneer, Erin Pizzey

Erin Pizzey An invisible hero for invisible victims

Domestic violence can have devastating effects on mental health, not only for the victims, but for children who witness domestic violence too.

It’s such an important social issue that if you were told that someone was the pioneer of domestic violence services in the UK, you would expect them to be a recognisable figure, if not a household name.

Erin gave Male Psychology magazine a fantastic interview in 2022, and the question of why men can’t seem to support each other *as men* came up. Read full interview here.

Erin Pizzey

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A 2024 message from your kids

Dear Mum and Dad,

I understand that you don’t love each other anymore and don’t want to live together, and although it’s sad it’s better than you arguing and frightening over me all the time. This is what I want you to do.

  1. I love you both and I want to see you both, but I don’t want you being nasty about each other in front of me. It makes me feel really bad …and remember I can hear you even when I’m not in the same room.
  2. Please sort out who pays for what. While I am young and go to school or Uni, I won’t be able to support myself. I rely on you both.
  3. Don’t make me spy on my other parent or pass on messages. Don’t interrogate me about the other parent when I come to your home. I’ll tell you about it when I want to.
  4. Don’t be possessive about me or things that belong to me. I want to belong to you both. Sometimes I have to take my football kit or bike to my other parent. Please make this easy for me.
  5. I understand that grown-ups plan my life, but please ask me and keep me informed about what you decide.
  6. Don’t make me feel guilty about seeing my other parent.
  7. Don’t ask me to choose between you.
  8. Don’t make permanent decisions about me when you are in a bad mood.
  9. My birthdays, holidays, school events, family events are all special to me and I may want to spend time with both of you on those days.
  10. I have two sets of family. Dad’s and Mum’s extended family and I want to see them all. Just because you may not like them does not mean I don’t too. Talk to me about it. Don’t assume my feelings are yours.
  11. Don’t get upset If I want to spend time with my friends. I’m growing up!
  12. Remember I may not always want the same as my brother or sister.
  13. Don’t ask me to lie to my other parent or professionals.

I want you to feel happy for me as I grow up and learn stuff. I know you are both not perfect and make mistakes and so do I but, despite everything, I love you both to bits. Remember… if the other parent gets a new partner, I’m cool with that. It will make no difference to how much I love you. 

Signed

Your kids

a-2024-message-from-your-kids