Excluding men from the lives of children
Many children may barely encounter any adult men until secondary school. Especially when their father has been excluded. In secondary school, some of their teachers will be male.
What idea of men and male roles will they form? For both sexes/all genders, but particularly boys? Apart from the media, social and otherwise, and pornography?
The media images has been looked into by the male-friendly gender equality organisation Equimundo*. The ‘content analysis’ (ie counting how many times certain thing are portrayed) of items in the ‘public domain’ rarely show men as caring, nurturing, peacemakers or as being involved with children. They are likely to be violent, domineering, sometimes heroic – but in extreme, and usually child-free – situations. Or, at best, Homer Simpsons.
Yes, a handful of male child minders. Virtually none in nurseries. A semi-official target of 4% of pre-school carers being male from the now defunct Family and Parenting Institute seems unlikely to be attained.
Primary school teaching has become a single sex profession. Yes, the occasional male head. And perhaps the caretaker.
There are very few male health visitors. Similarly midwives, health visitors and nurses working in the community.
Even professionally senior occupations of a caring sort, such as doctors in general practice, are now predominantly female.
The ‘gender equality’ agenda has been highly selective. Of course we welcome women moving into once all male areas. But it has been one-way. Caring work, and especially anything to do with children, has remained single sex, or (as primary school teaching and social work with children) effectively gender-cleansed.
In sum, there is a huge irony. That in a society that, ostensibly, believes more in equality, the trend is towards segregation by sex and gender in the formative years of the next generation.
Of particular concern is social work, and especially CAFCASS.
More than five out of six social workers are female. The effects of this were noted by the avowedly feminist professor of social work, Brid Featherstone, as mentioned in an earlier Newsletter. Social workers, she says, may feel unequipped, and inadequately trained and supported to deal with men. Your charity would echo this. In dealing with CAFCASS fathers feel they have to cope with an agenda set by their ex, her point of view and the empathy of the CAFCASS worker with her. Yes, at times we see excellent professional work by CAFCASS and other social workers. There are ones in which the officer would seem to have been simply captured by the mother. More often it is more insiduous. He has to overcome a stereotype that he may be a threat to his children and their mother.
Our advice to fathers involved with CAFCASS is to go to great lengths to avoid ‘confirmation bias’ about the expectations of officers.
Social work training is dominated not by ‘gender equality’ feminism, but with ‘women’s rights’ versions of it. The domestic violence narrative dominates. Men are abusive, stop.
Most child abuse, however, is at the hands of resident parents and carers. Very little by ‘contact fathers’. Women’s Aid has a publication about 19 children killed by fathers during contact visits. Arguing that children need to be protected against the risk they pose. Yes, tragedies to be watched out for. But over the 10-year period covered, the number of children killed by residential parents and carers was over 500. Not because of any evil intent (though occasionally so) but because childcare in excess causes more stress than the mother (usually) can cope with, often in adverse circumstances. Were there any where a father had been excluded? How many deaths might have been avoided by shared parenting? That not asked or researched!
Contact is safer than residence. It is indeed a safety measure – it reduces the risk that the resident parent is put under more stress than s/he can cope with, especially without anyone else knowing.
Are there exceptions to this gender cleansing? Unless they have decent step fathers, where are the role models of nice, non-violent, responsible, caring men? Umm, very few.
What is to be done? The suggestion of Bridget Phillipson, now Secretary of State for Education and Minister for Women and Equalities, is that ‘male mentors’ be recruited in schools, to counter the influence of the likes of Andrew Tate. We welcome all attempts to search out and employ men as role models? Could there ever be enough of them, with enough time, to make a difference? Within highly limited budgets and all the other competing demands?
Well what about their fathers? And more generally by ending or reducing the exclusion of men from the lives of children. Other countries do not have it.
** Nineteen Child Homicides. Women’s Aid 2016
Why not contribute to this debate by emailing news.team@bothparentsmatter.org.uk?
