Sara Sharif: A Tragic Reminder of the Need for Inclusive Parenting
At Both Parents Matter (formerly Families Need Fathers), our mission is clear: every child deserves a full and meaningful relationship with both parents and their extended families, provided it does not cause harm. This principle stands at the heart of our advocacy for children of separated parents, especially since fathers, in most cases, are the ones excluded. However, we recognise that fathers can be just as likely to alienate the mother when they obtain sole control. In such instances, we advocate for the child’s right to benefit from a balanced relationship with their mother as well.
The tragic case of Sara Sharif has shocked and horrified the nation. Like everyone else, we are deeply appalled by the reports of how she suffered at the hands of her father, stepmother, and uncle. This horrific situation also highlights systemic failures, including missed warning signs and an environment that allowed such abuse to persist unnoticed.
The Importance of Inclusive Parenting
Sara’s case brings to mind the tragic death of Victoria Climbié, after which the phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” gained resonance. Concentrating a child’s upbringing within a single household or a small group, while excluding others, is rarely in the child’s best interest and can, in extreme cases, prove dangerous.
Exclusive parenting often places overwhelming demands on one caregiver, and it isolates the child from external perspectives that might detect signs of harm. In Sara’s case, this dynamic was exacerbated by a combination of malicious carers and a failure of safeguarding systems to intervene.
Beyond Individual Failures: The Cultural Context
While much attention will rightly focus on the failures of individuals and institutions, we must also examine the broader cultural and systemic factors that contributed to this tragedy. One such factor is the societal tolerance of exclusive parenting.
For example, home-schooling, while often chosen for valid reasons, is sometimes exploited by parents seeking to isolate children from the other parent or external oversight. This pattern is something we encounter regularly in our work, as parents who alienate their co-parent may use home-schooling to facilitate that exclusion.
Questions About Sara’s Mother
Reports suggest that Sara’s mother may have faced challenges, including potential learning difficulties, which might have contributed to her exclusion as a caregiver. But was there an overreaction in removing her entirely from Sara’s life? Could she, with appropriate support, have played a role in safeguarding Sara, even as an additional “pair of eyes”?
Was Sara’s mother informed and involved in key decisions, such as home-schooling, as a parent with legal responsibility? These are critical questions that must be addressed in any thorough investigation.
The Voice of the Child
Another troubling aspect of this case is reports that Sara expressed a desire to live with her father. While a child’s voice must be considered, it should also be carefully interpreted. Children’s preferences can be shaped by loyalty, fear, or coercion—factors we frequently encounter in cases of alienating behaviours.
Was Sara’s wish to live with her father thoroughly examined? Could it have been influenced by fear or manipulation? These are vital considerations when assessing a child’s expressed preferences, as they may not always reflect their true needs or feelings.
Prevention Through Community and Inclusion
To prevent tragedies like Sara’s, we must not only address institutional failures but also promote a culture of inclusive parenting. While we no longer live in “villages” where the whole community shares in raising children, children still have two parents, extended families, and community networks. Engaging these networks can provide children with the support and oversight they need.
Inclusive parenting reduces the risk of abuse by alleviating the pressures on any single caregiver. Most abuse arises not from malice but from parents overwhelmed by responsibilities they cannot manage. By involving both parents and extended families, we can better protect children and support parents in their caregiving roles.
Moving Forward
The case of Sara Sharif is a stark reminder of the importance of inclusive parenting and the dangers of isolation. As investigations continue and recommendations emerge, let us hope for meaningful changes in policies and procedures and cultural attitudes toward shared parenting and family inclusion. Only by addressing both individual and systemic issues can we truly protect children like Sara and ensure their right to safe, loving, and supportive relationships with both parents and their wider families, because Both Parents Matter.
